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The Hardcore Fucking QUEEN

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My Poetry

Vampyress Chronicle

dragged down by the water
bound were my hands and feet
a beast you were transformed into
so how could I compete?
pitch black darkness and the chill of the night
stung like the lash of a whip
the vampyress lay drinking
try this blood, take a sip
the inhuman force upon me now, temptation turned to insanity
possibility sets in
of course the factor of everlasting vanity
drinking hungrily
I am reborn
unbelieveable awareness
no longer do I mourn
I travel the world
the night is my home
eternity, always
forever will I roam

the wave

tears and shadows
melodical sorrow
spare me, don't tell me
it will be better tomorrow
wilting leaves
passing days
ups and downs
like a series of plays
too excited for you
energy level high
too depressed for you
bang my head as I cry
ultrarapid cycler
words to define my disorder
here I go again
chaos and new order
hopelessly I cry to you
from the depths of my soul
please listen to what I say
because I have lost control
it's a gift when I'm manic
a brilliant natural high
but then depressed again
too familiar, I want to die

Murderous Intent

Lets cut the bullshit
Lets cut to the chase
Why couldn't you just tell me
you were wallowing in my disgrace
I suppose you never wondered
how this could affect me later
back then I dropped to my knees
and to your wants & needs I would cater
Did you really think
you could get by
using me, abusing me
like I can't tell when you lie
step off your high horse
it's my turn to suck
what's left of your soul
you malignant little fuck
I hate you I'll KILL YOU
I want you dead
I'll make you pay I swear
all I see is red
Red like the blood
which will fall fom your eyes
I'm sorry but this time
there will be no compromise

Eternal Geniuses

The words of another
To one may appeal
In the eyes of the chosen
They extensively reveal
Utterly oblivious
To the shadows of the soul
Genius destroyers
Hearts black as coal
Destruction their mission
The new breed is born
Anarchists wreak havoc
And whole countries mourn
You pitiful people!
You shall all burn in hell.
Your weakness disgusts me
I was born to rebel!
The chosen bring forth
The true master- hail to thee
Beings of eternity
You shall be set free.

Blindfold

You look into my eyes
but you are still blind
You tread upon my soul
feeding on my mind
Although I throw
the truth in your face
you refuse to listen
an avoidable disgrace
I tug with all my might
on the veil over your eyes
to make you understand
but you'd rather see lies



Misery Patrol

I banish thee
insignificant
mindless fool
I'll slap you across the face
next time you tell me I'm cruel
Get over it you pussy
you weak minded little bitch
I'll bury you facedown
in your abercrombie & fitch
you think hate is wrong
but you're mistaken
don't you see?
my hate is my cure
I'm alive, it sets me free
don't be afraid
when I'm depressed I wear black
black is the way I feel inside
a color conveying the darkness is back
the pain will reside
ever etched in my soul
you're not supposed to like me
call me the misery patrol

Princess Sin
 
I'm here.. I'm there
I don't think I'm quite anywhere
the drama will unfold
the story will be told
I stand in purple
inside a jaded circle
princess in her chambers
stomping for you to
perform her favours
she kicks and screams
and starts to throw things
now she has ripped her dress
her hair is always a mess
poor psychotic princess!
now she's demanding a smoke
just don't let her have the coke!
but she insists there are no rules
it's the rest of the world who are fools
"I am the Princess!" She proclaimed
"Yes" .. her Trigger prince exclaimed
don't be surprsied when she kicks your head in
she is not an angel, she is princess of sin
Why does she never pay the price?
"I never said I was nice."

Fear

Fear is like a blackened rage
Waiting, held
In an invisible cage
When there's nowhere to run
and nowhere to hide
Fear is neverending
a rollercoaster ride
Fear is when you realize
Life isn't a game
An individual life
Not just a name
You can feel fear coming
but behold, my friend
Fear will be waiting
Now your life must end

Fool
 
forever wallowing
in your own self-pity
repeat the motions
mindlessly, aimlessly
always swimming in
your sea of regret
weak-minded fool
your memories won't let
it's me you can't forget
you don't understand the way I work
at times you think I'm odd
it's just I see more than you
see through the facade
you've made your bed
now lie in it
you've dug your grave
now die in it

BLooD BOiliNg

blood boiling
rage, rush
blood boiling
quiet hush
I don't need a reason
and you don't feel my kind
the truth about myself
not even I can find
FUCK what you think
and fuck what you say
your mere existence means
less to me anyway
Blood boiling
seeping through
fire rushing through my body
not knowing what to do
heart pounding
insecticide
I couldn't help it
the time that I lied
silently growing
this devil in me
~understood~
is something I will never be

Psychotica

Confusion, my life
Dilusion, my mind
Trapped in agony
My silent hell
Can I overcome
Only time will tell
My head is a puzzle
that can never be solved
Around my misery
my life revolved
I tried to ignore
the choas inside
but deep in my soul
the pain resides
Tossing and turning
my mind never sleeps
silent insomnia
my brain forever keeps
Five million voices
always screaming so loud
to the outside world
they don't make a sound

I see you

down comes the rain
falling again
out pour my tears
I just can't pretend
it's not okay
don't feed me those lies
as if you're a saint
covered in disguise
You know, you don't fool me
not one little bit
your cool, collected attitude
is a facade of bullshit
I can step out
and look down on you
even through the darkness
you are nothing but a fool
go ahead and life your pointless life
grow comfortable in your conformity
as I feel alive
in my insanity

my thoughts(wordflow)

darkness
depression
sadness
regression
misery
greed
hopeless
need
calm
collected
falsely
affected
bitter
neglected
angry
rejected
crawling
under
shivering
shudder
confusion
lies
somebody
dies

temporarily suspended

she sat alone in a darkened room
her pale silouette illuminated by the moon
darkness shrouds everything
doesen't mean anything
why do you watch me that way?
always wondering if I will stay
meaningless thoughts pass the time
fairy tales in my nursery rhyme
sleep is surrounding, I allow
safe from pessimistic thoughts for now

descending

spiral of demise
bleeding, tortured cries
hopelessness too clear
tired of living in fear
take this life away
leave the pain astray
nothing seems to compensate
the morbidness I formulate
there is no other choice
can't explain without a voice
relieve me of this pain
there's nothing left to gain
the hole in my heart grows bigger
coming closer to pulling the trigger

depths beneath

knee deep in treacherous waters
and sinking ever so fast
surrounded by foreign land
so vacant and so vast
sinking or swimming
losing blood
the shoreline awaits me
a deep graveyard of mud
buried alive, drowning
the matter fills my nose
as the demons beneath
scratch off my clothes
pitful and fragile
far too weak to fight
as I exhale my last breath
the beasts scream into the night

Counterfeit
 
Why have you forsaken me
in your eyes, in your heart
is there something there I cannot see
which has ripped our love apart?
as much as I try to forget
the feeling just grows stonger
I wish I would not let
you confine me any longer
for my mind is full of shame
and my presence permeates sorrow
I don't want to place blame
though your thoughts I'd like to borrow
maybe then might i understand
or perhaps I wouldn't still
why I feel such reprimand
your lack of penance gives me chills
as if you don't even care
you're aloof and unconcerned
you're frozen and wouldn't dare
feel the fire with which I've been burned
is avoidance the way you deal?
that method is so regressive
you don't even know how to feel.
powerless because you're passive
I suppose you'll always be this way
well I hope that's the way you like it
don't be surprised one day
when you realize your life is bullshit

the Shortest Flame

through the darkness into the light
the shortest flame grew bright
a beautiful gleam of fire
burning with mad desire
as quickly as it started
it's magic has departed
a memory frozen in time
portrayed only by a rhyme
this longing I cannot escape
my heart had already begun to shape
now upon the darkness I quiver
drenched with regret I shiver
into a waking nightmare I am deserted
the reality of this so viciously asserted
my lack of control leads to silent screams
knowing you will only appear in dreams
the ice has smoldered the flame
it's brilliance doused with shame

Odd One Out

5 little girls were playing in the sun
only one of them wasn't having any fun
5 little girls skipped all the way to school
but one staggered behind and felt like a fool
5 teenage girls attending junior high
only one stayed in the bathroom stall to cry
4 teenage girls attending senior high
they mourned her and wondered
why did she have to die?
You should have asked her what was wrong
but you ignored her feelings all along
You decided not to pick
her to be part of your clique
You wanted to conform
to be part of the "norm"
She wouldn't have enjoyed it anyway
Your mindless activities are so cliche
while everyone cheered at the football game
she'd write poetry in her room to release the pain
You didn't understand her and you never will
she never had a chance to truly reveal
the way she always felt inside
she took it to her grave on the day she died
the coroner marked it as a suicide

WORLD = SHEEP....ME = DEEP

Why do I not fit in?
It's like I've comitted a terrible sin
I don't understand people's devotions
to disreguard my feelings and emotions
People are different, I thought you knew
I guess it's just that you've chosen to view
me as competition
to your repitition
I am a threat
because you won't let
someone be different, heaven forbid
your thoughtless lives I try to rid
I'm always so much more aware than you
I know when you lie, I see when your true
which isn't too often, intentional clone
your asinine foolishness makes me moan
all you know about me's what I told you
you don't comprehend it's I who holds you
You undiscerning sheep
My intelligence I keep
as a constant reminder you ignorant fools
I see right through you, it's my kind who rules.

the fragmentation
 
there was once a time
where the air was fresh
and the world seemed so divine
now the view is obscured my mesh
maybe there never was
a solid line which could not be broken
perhaps that is because
your feelings were never spoken
now just fragments in time
flows through me like yesterday
too priceless to refine
memory I choose to stay
in the place which sets me free
the attic needs a window
and through that window now I see
the colors I long to show

NO CHOICE

Rip Rip Rip
My eyes
I'm ripping them to shreds
to get this vision away
away
this vision away
my morbid decay
your voice in my head
it will stay
it does stay
you possessed me
you controlled me
long enough
let me go
come on, come on
don't you think I'm tough enough?
What more to you
do I have to prove
Oh Satan please god
can't you remove
yourself from my body
get out of my soul
It's mine DAMMIT mine
my everything you stole

Mania

Impulsiveness
Raging thoughts
blurred insanity
stomach in knots
edging slowly
upon the ledge
in my case it's chemical
in yours it's revenge
but reason is forgotten
and rules matter not
clearheadedness is a commodity
which can't be sold or bought
I don't care what you say
I have no control
you would see what it's like
if you could feel my soul
but I like it this way
I'm special, don't you see?
I'm starting to realize
it's good to be me
I'm above all the sheep
their eyes are closed to my mind
the secret I'll let you in on
is I don't want them to find
my craziness, my passion
that makes me unique
So I'll just sit back and laugh
as you call me a freak

reD rage

red rage, red room

close your eyes

black skies

lost in darkness

menacing demise

Crawl from beneath

from the shadows

to the surface

red

black

red room

fall to your doom

No Help

black is the darkness
that seethes inside my head
crying forever tears of blood
tastes coppery, the color is red
slash this knife above my heart
you will find it's icy and blue
did you really think
that I would bleed for you?
My heart is cold just like my eyes
through my confusion lies nothing but hate
help is nonexistent
I've come to accept that this is my fate

My demon

it's inside of me
always trying to come out
to the surface
but it can never fully come out
it's just trapped under water
and it can't breathe
it's angry
the inside out, not the outside in
nothing on the outside can persuade
this beast to rise out of the black sea
they call my brain
twisted black waters, my thoughts
this sea cannot be calmed
my rage cannot be suffocated
I will find a way to beat it
I am strong
this demon cannot be drowned
it needs to be rescued from the
depths of hell it's been residing in
for so many years... inside me
only then will I be free

Unfair

stuck here in this hole
unable to control
these forces grounding me
they just won't let me be
burying the feelings
they are stupid things
this empty pit
of meaningless bullshit
trying to conceal the pain
even though there's nothing to gain
what's to come of all of this?
nothing is special enough to miss
why should you care
"no one said life was fair"

Smoldering

watch the darkness rise again
this entity of pain
it ties me down
like a chain
like heavy rope
the knot equally confines
struggling desperately
rage engulfs me
I cannot take this down
to a tolerable degree
I feel too much I think too much
I have no pleasure anymore
except perhaps in a flash
of twisted psychotic gore
can you really tell me
those thoughts of yours are pure
afraid of the consequences
your true thoughts made obscure

Bleak

this bitter nothingness ascends before me
of course I didn't ask for this
apparently it's all inside my head
miserable thoughts in this dark abyss
ever-thrashing and irascible
trying to push through to survive
I don't want to feel this way
I don't want to be alive
Why try so hard
when the end result is nothing
you would expect compassion
you would expect SOMETHING
Selfishness has taken over this place
there is no room to breathe
it's getting harder every day
I'm aware in my departure they would grieve
so fittingly, because of someone else's feelings
I am expected to live through this
why can't you all understand
what would you really miss?
an unhappy soul is sacrificed
A body is laid to rest (or burn)
too bad you can't see my view
that this is for the best (burn)
do you want to see me suffer?
should I continue this constant cry?
this wouldn't be so complicated
if it was simply ok to die

Falsehood

bleeding soul
empty promises
foolish lies
passionate kisses
shadow of deception
did you really think
you had me fooled
did you think it would be the same
once our emotions had cooled?
you promised me heaven
shattered dreams
broken and lost
what's the price I have to pay?
tell me baby what will it cost?
to get your face out of my mind
to erase the memories I reminisce
I still long for the taste
of your bittersweet kiss
was I just a pawn
in your sick fucking game
if I hadn't met you
would my life be the same?
I'm used to being in control
I won't accept that you're the one
who trives on my weakness
but what's done is done

the ledge
 
inside the house of rue
your bloody bath awaits you
inside the lair of doom
your coffin lined in blue
the light you will never see
the outside world is a mystery
trapped in a dungeon of fire
you claw the ledge of a pyre
falling fast into the pit
you wail as your skin is lit
suffering now, burning alive
you realize now you will not survive
I blow the final kiss
your world slips into darkness
then I caught your eye
I gasped and started to cry
I knew what I had to do
to escape the house of rue
screaming the whole way down
the cries would surely drown
the crackling of your skin
with that thought I couldn't help but grin
you see I left the house of rue
and I died when I murdered you
now we are joined forever
souls of sin burning together

Stardom

In the dream there was a circle
Of bright colors and people
The professor stood admiring
On a stand like a steeple
I floated to the stand
The crowd's glorious eyes adoring
I'm ecstatic, I'm a star
At least until morning
Dancing and smiling
Wearing glitter I glow
Loving each and every
Of my devoted fans below
A majestic medallion
being presented to me
My talent radiating
for everyone to see

Notice how Stardom stands out from the crowd? That's because normally my poetry is written during depressions... at the particular time this poem was written it is clear that I was manic.

All Poetry copyright © Blair Hurley 1999-2004

Blair's Philosophy:
"I don't care what other people think about me. I never have. Because it just consumes you you are as an individual if you're trying to be like someone else. I hate our conformist societies."

"One day all those people who looked down on me for being my crazy self (which is who I am & wouldn't change for anyone) will be sorry because I am going to surpass them all in life. People need to realize that being yourself is the only way to be, and if you're not "in the norm".... who gives a shit?!
Certainly not me." Why would you even desire such a thing?!"

"I may be different than you, but I am an intelligent person. I will succeed in life, and see everything I want to see, do everything I want to do. I am determined. I am not afraid to be open and honest with everyone I encounter.
FUCK people who think it's right to judge others for who they are. It just shouldn't be like that. Life is too complicated. People judge because they misunderstand."

"SOME PEOPLE GO THROUGH LIFE BLINDED BY THE REALITY that we are all different individuals, with different hopes, dreams, goals, tastes, interests, ethnicities, cultures, religions, styles, physical appearances... These BLIND people wind up snubbing those unlike themselves, because they DO NOT UNDERSTAND and THEY ARE AFRAID of what they don't know and not open enough to learn."
-Blair Emily
'99

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